A white-elephant gift exchange has stirred heated debate online after one participant contributed a present below the minimum value.
Reddit user U/Fit_Caregiver_1277 shared their dilemma on the “Am I The A******” (AITA) sub, where their post garnered over 8,200 upvotes. They recounted how their social group hosted a white-elephant exchange with two pricing tiers: $25-$50 and $75-$100. Participation was optional, and only 9 of the 40 members, including the original poster (OP), opted for the higher-priced tier.
“Well, I was picked to go 3rd, and I selected a gift that was wrapped quite beautifully, thinking that was a good sign, but I was disappointed to discover the gift was a hot chocolate set that certainly wouldn’t have met the criteria of the lower range, let alone the one we were participating in.
“I could tell the others in the group felt roughly the same just by the looks on their face, and my focus was directed to one woman (Jen) who was looking away, clearly embarrassed. As you might imagine, no one took my gift,” they explained in the post.
What Is a White-Elephant Gift Exchange?
In a white-elephant exchange, participants bring wrapped gifts that meet a predetermined price range.
Players draw numbers to determine the order in which they select gifts. Each player can either pick a new gift or “steal” an already opened one. The game typically ends when all gifts have been opened, often creating a lighthearted and competitive atmosphere.
The Hot Chocolate Gift and Keurig Incident
The OP admitted they felt “petty” for being upset about the gift, noting that the hot chocolate set could have been purchased from a bargain cart. Meanwhile, Jen’s participation in the high-priced tier meant she stood to leave with a much more expensive gift, such as a brand-new Keurig—a popular coffee maker valued around $75-$100.
Disappointed, the OP discreetly expressed their feelings to the group leader, who agreed that the gift didn’t meet the rules. The leader explained that they had previously advised Jen to choose the lower-tier option, given her financial challenges.
“We didn’t want to disrupt events, so I was asked to put on a kind face and to avoid talking about the gift for the remainder of the evening, which I accepted as people were trying to have fun,” they added.
However, the next morning, Jen sent a long message to the OP expressing her frustration over the complaint.
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“She went on and on about how nice it must be that I can simply throw my money away while others, like her, are struggling, and that her income shouldn’t mean she can’t have nice things. Instead of fighting, I forwarded the texts to our group leader, and I’ve since received word that Jen would no longer be a member of our social group,” the OP wrote.
Despite this, the OP now feels guilty about Jen’s removal from the group and sought advice.
“She has had a lot of setbacks in her life. I do not hate her or hold any negative feelings for her at all. I simply felt she was knowingly taking advantage of the rest of us to basically trade up beyond her means. AITA?” they asked.
Expert Insight
Alyse Freda-Colon, a therapist, shared her perspective: “I wholeheartedly agree that this is petty. I am curious about how Jen became aware that you complained about her gift if you ‘discreetly’ talked to the group leader and if you ‘put on a kind face’ during the exchange.
“Perhaps you can go into future white-elephant gift exchanges with lower expectations — there is no guarantee that you will choose a gift you will like, and it’s supposed to be a fun activity, not a way to accumulate pricey things. Of course, Jen should not have chosen the higher price gift tier if she couldn’t afford it, but she did — I don’t see how embarrassing her helps anyone.
“I would also suggest that there be one white-elephant exchange for the group and that there be one dollar amount limit. I don’t see the logic of making people choose different price ranges and possibly have to advertise the fact that they might be struggling financially. Maybe you make the limit $20 for everyone, and the group just has fun with it, whatever gift they walk away with. And if you want a pricier item like a Keurig, probably easier to just buy one yourself.”
Reddit Reacts
The internet largely reassured the OP, agreeing they were not in the wrong.
“The audacity to suggest that ‘being on a budget shouldn’t mean you can’t have nice things,’ like yes, in this situation that’s exactly what it means. Capitalism in general is based on this principle. NTA. She should’ve done the lower tier or not participated at all,” said one commenter.
Another user criticized Jen’s decision: “Sounds like Jen’s gift cost $10. She would have been equally scorned by the lower tier for doing the same thing to them. So she decided to be s***** and went with the bigger tier to snag a $100 gift, rather than wind up with a $30 lower-tier gift.
“She’s just a user. 31+ people went lower tier, and there’s no shame in that. The person in charge really dropped the ball. She should have ‘discreetly’ made Jen swap back for her own gift.”
Newsweek reached out to u/Fit_Caregiver_1277 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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