CNN’s News Year’s Eve special has a reputation for being a hot bed of degeneracy on a network that likes to falsely portray themselves as professional journalists. But on Tuesday night, however, comedian Whitney Cummings elevated the show by holding up a mirror to CNN and ripping them for their poor rating. She also slapped around Democrats for how they propped up the “body” of President Joe Biden and then forced Vice President Harris on everyone.
Teeing up her shot on CNN’s ratings, Cummings opined on how she learned how reasonable the American people were by travel around the country to do shows. “I love going around the country because you see that Americans really are more reasonable than they would be portrayed,” she said.
“Absolutely. 100 percent true,” co-host Anderson Cooper agreed oblivious to the lurking joke about how her theater shows had better viewership than CNN:
CUMMINGS: They’re pretty great. And I’m playing bigger and bigger venues now. I thought being a mom would mean that less people would want to come see me. I’m now playing, you know, like 3000 seat theaters, which is about the viewership of CNN these days. Not this show, though.
COOPER: Nice, nice.
CUMMINGS: All eyes are on this show.
“Wow. You’re all fiery today,” quipped comedian and co-host Andy Cohen.
She followed up by taking a shot at Hollywood for not being entertaining and preaching liberal dogma:
You know what? I’m a Friends fan. I’m also a fan of entertainment that just entertains. There’s this new thing where everything in Hollywood has to, like, lecture people how to vote and make you feel guilty about global warming.
Throughout her riffing, Cummings was shocked that CNN had not cut off her mic. One of the more notable moments was when she called out Democrats, “the pro-choice party” for not giving their voters a choice in the 2024 primary:
CUMMINGS: 2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn’t hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright.
Are we still rolling? Am I off?
COHEN: Go for it.
CUMMINGS: It was amazing that the pro-choice party didn’t give their voters one when it came to the presidential candidate.
“Kamala was forced on us so hard you’d think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna,” she proclaimed.
In another moment, Cummings brought up Hunter Biden’s laptop, something rarely mentioned on CNN, and called out his depravity and poor treatment of women:
Documentaries finally realized the only way to make money is to just make them about cheerleaders. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleader doc showed the girls being treated horribly, underpaid, crying. I thought I’d open a video on Hunter Biden’s laptop.
Further in the show, music producer Diplo joined CNN for an interview and did so in one of the few was to make tolerable: high on LSD.
The transcript is below. Click “expand” to read:
CNN New Year’s Eve LiveDecember 31, 202410:02:52 p.m. Eastern
(…)
WHITNEY CUMMINGS: I love going around the country because you see that Americans really are more reasonable than they would be portrayed.
ANDERSON COOPER: Absolutely. 100 percent true.
CUMMINGS: They’re pretty great. And I’m playing bigger and bigger venues now. I thought being a mom would mean that less people would want to come see me. I’m now playing, you know, like 3000 seat theaters, which is about the viewership of CNN these days. Not this show, though.
COOPER: Nice, nice.
CUMMINGS: All eyes are on this show.
ANDY COHEN: Wow. You’re all fiery today.
COOPER: You know, Andy and I, Andy and I had a tour. We did, like, 3,000 people.
CUMMINGS: I remember.
COOPER: Yes, yes, yes.
COHEN: You’re hosting a new Friends trivia show on MAX.
CUMMINGS: I’m doing a show.
COHEN: Are you a huge Friends fan?
CUMMINGS: You know what? I’m a Friends fan. I’m also a fan of entertainment that just entertains. There’s this new thing where everything in Hollywood has to, like, lecture people how to vote and make you feel guilty about global warming. It’s just a fun show. No creeps. It’s just warm, wholesome.
COOPER: Nice.
(…)
10:06:29 p.m. Eastern
CUMMINGS: Documentaries finally realized the only way to make money is to just make them about cheerleaders. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleader doc showed the girls being treated horribly, underpaid, crying. I thought I’d open a video on Hunter Biden’s laptop.
(…)
10:07:09 p.m. Eastern
CUMMINGS: 2024 election fried our brains. The Democrats couldn’t hold a primary because they were too busy holding a body upright.
Are we still rolling? Am I off?
COHEN: Go for it.
CUMMINGS: It was amazing that the pro-choice party didn’t give their voters one when it came to the presidential candidate.
Kamala was forced on us so hard you’d think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna, whichever ones. Oh, God. Andy just gave me a very scary look.
COHEN: No!
(…)
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