‘Valentiming’ is the dating trend that can put pressure on couples

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Relationships

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Depending on your relationship status, or if you’re even in one, it’s that dreaded time of year for daters out there.

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Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, which can be a confusing time, whether you’ve gone on a few dates or been spending weeks, even months, with someone.

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And while you may have been having fun, there’s something about Valentine’s Day that makes people question just how serious things are with the person they are seeing.

“Valentiming” has daters reflecting on how the international day of romance relates to their current dating life and the status of their relationship — and if it is, in fact, a relationship,” Bumble’s relationships expert Shan Boodram told The Toronto Sun.

“As with many holidays and special events, there’s always a pressure to have someone special to share it with, and Valentine’s Day is no different.”

But there’s something about Feb. 14 that comes loaded with pressure, no matter where a person is in their dating journey, Boodram acknowledged.

“No matter your relationship status, it’s important to be realistic with ourselves and others about what really matters — finding a connection that is good for you, not just for the sake of the holiday.”

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Things can get tricky, particularly for those who haven’t established whether they are exclusive, as well as those who love Valentine’s Day but are dating someone who isn’t a fan of the day.

For Boodram, it’s all about managing expectations.

“As awkward as it can be to have that conversation, if you don’t, the anticipation may actually make the day more of a big deal than it actually is,” she cautioned, adding that it’s as simple as asking the question: “What are your Valentine’s Day plans?”

That innocent question could open things up for people who are in — or feel like they’re in — a “situationship,” and provide a chance to solidify a relationship status.

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She added: “Be honest about your desires and feelings early so you don’t set yourself or your partner up for disappointment when the big day arrives.”

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That includes possible gift-giving since many associate Valentine’s Day with flowers and candy and all things heart-shaped.

“If you decide to exchange gifts, set a price point so that one person isn’t spending $25 while the other spends $100,” Boodram said. “Agreeing on what you’re comfortable with can set a positive tone and give you both the chance to have a little fun with it.”

Or keep it small and thoughtful; sometimes even a simple handwritten note with a meaningful message will show you care without breaking the bank, she added.

For those who may be in an already-fragile relationship, Boodram suggested proposing to skip celebrating the day altogether.

“This doesn’t make your relationship any less legitimate, but if celebrating is stressing you out more than not celebrating, ditching it altogether could relieve unnecessary tension, and allow you two to make plans on an alternative day that feels more authentic,” she noted.

And if you are single and looking for love, just because it’s Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you have to force anything.

Sure, if you want to go on a date and you match up with someone on a dating app, keep things casual — but have fun with it, Boodram recommended.

“Recognize the day for what it is, but also remember that it’s just another day.”

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