Thank you for gifting us you, Fes

Dearest Fes,

Uhhh, I thought we agreed we’d hang around and do what we needed to do? 

Damn it hurts. Remember our PIPC (Pacific Islanders’ Presbyterian Church) youth leader days? Sportscamp? Our CCF (Christian Community Fellowship) times? Campus Crusade for Christ, and Pacific Students for Christ Association activities? Remember our education lectures? Our phonetics classes?

Remember we always talked about how we would make moves to ensure our university was an inviting place for our students? Well, you did just that, and of course you were always ‘extra’ and took that dream, all our dreams, to Parliament. Your dream found you brother! You were in all the relevant spaces. Sadly, those spaces and so many more, won’t be the same without you. 

In an ENG201 lecture you asked me how I was feeling, I said I was tired, so you pulled out your Bible and pointed out a Scripture, Isaiah 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Your love for God ran deep and was unwavering. However, you were lucky to catch me on a relatively good day, because some days, I wanted to be angry, because, well, I just wanted to be, and on those days, you would joke around with me and, yeah, okay, you eventually made me smile but it was still annoying all the same. At the time of my PhD graduation ceremony, you were the president of AUSA. You were on stage, they called out my name and you walked to the front of the stage to fa’aula me (adorn me with a lei). I vividly remember; we hugged and giggled a little and we looked at each other as if to say, ‘we did it’, and we were both brimming with pride. Yet at the same time, we scoffed, as if to say – yeah but how?! Hahaha!

I still reflect on that conversation we had where you mentioned you would be running for mayor, and migrating to the Green Party. You probed my thoughts that day to gain a better understanding of the Pasifika rainbow community. We talked at length about my journey and my experiences in navigating multiple worlds as a Tama’ita’i Sāmoa (a Sāmoan woman) from a strong Christian background, a NZ-born Pacific person, an academic and a brown woman leader. I shared with you my heart that day, more so, than any other, and we wept. I will never forget your response. You said you hoped and prayed that your daughters would one day grow up to be like me.

THAT shook me! You said you wanted to raise queens and you reassured me that I was their perfect role model. That shocked me even more! Because it didn’t matter to you anymore, who they could look up to. You really made an effort to transform your mindset, beliefs and attitudes towards same-sex marriage. I had a whole new level of respect for you.

These were warming sentiments at the time. Now, I consider it to be one of the most beautiful compliments I’ve received. It hits different now, Fes. We talked about gender identities, women’s empowerment, leadership in Western-dominated spaces and our families, our mums in particular. You raved about your daughters Kaperiela and Asalemo, and or course, Fia, your beautiful wife. Come to think of it, I can’t ever recall a time where you didn’t speak fondly of them. You would always light up at the mere mention of their names. I’ll check in on them, okay. My, my, how we’ve grown.

Your sense of humour was a vibe and the way you engaged with all walks of life has always been admired. You crossed the veil doing what you were born to do, and do best, and that is to serve the people. You are sorely missed Fes. The world is pretty grim without you in it. I promise we’ll carry on the work you started. Fes, don’t worry, we’ve got you. Thank you for gifting us you! This humble boy from Otara who grew up to be a mighty man of the people.

Malo le tautua. Malo le tauata’i. Alofa tele atu mo oe ma ia tafi mala lau malaga. Until we meet again my friend. 

Jemaima Tiatia-Siau will be delivering a tribute to Fa’anānā Efeso Collins at a memorial service for University staff, students and alumni, at Fale Pasifika, Wynyard Street, 27 February, 5pm.