The Adventures of the Young Regent Seymour
King Luxon had vanished,
So the Young Regent Seymour
Was sent to tour the outer provinces
Of the Kingdom in his place.
Seymour rode his white battle steed Hubris
And carried the garish magenta banner
Of the House of Toad.
He came to the drought stricken fields
Of the Fourth Estate.
The pitiable scribes gnawed at the grass.
The Regent had no sympathy:
He chuckled with hearty vigour, and advised:
“Let them eat legacy media cake.”
Next Seymour travelled north to parley
With the fierce Tribespeople, who demanded
The honouring of Ancient Treaties.
But Young Regent Seymour just winked
And replied: “That was then, this is now!”
Finally, he visited the Young People
And gathered up their weetbix in a sack.
“I bring happy tidings for your future
As loyal serfs in the hot dusty fields of your betters!”
The rebellious and ungrateful little brutes
Jeered and threw rotten fruit.
Yet the Young Regent was unfazed
And simply said “It’s all good”
As he considered how this would look
On the plasma widescreens of his core constituency
Of raging boomers and their luxuriant portfolios.
On the last day of his grand tour,
His trusty steed Hubris stumbled
On a disintegrating Road of National Significance
And Seymour fell into a puddle of foul muck.
But even at this evil omen,
The Young Regent maintained his cheery demeanour.
After all, he knew what he had lined up
For the mewling scribes,
The difficult tribespeople
And the rebellious little brutes:
And boy, was he going to enjoy
Socking it to them
For the next three years
As Regent of the Missing King.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes to Newshub, King Luxon, and Lord Winston.
