Saoirse was involved in a horrific road crash. She was rushed to hospital and suffered horrendous injuries which culminated in the loss of her baby boy – Jax.
Still bearing the emotional and physical scars of that fateful night, Saoirse is sharing her experience in a bid to raise money and awareness for Féileacáin, a charity which supported her, Jax’s Dad Nathan and the rest of their families through the most devastating of times.
“I was 31 weeks at that stage,” Saoirse recalls, just five weeks after the devastating crash.
“I went into labour early on my nine-year-old, so we were thinking we probably had around eight weeks to go and we were on the home stretch. We were excited and we had the baby’s bedroom ready and all that.”
However, one car journey a short distance from her home in Killinick was to change life forever.
“The really sad thing is that just before impact, he kicked,” Saoirse recalls. “I felt him kick and I was looking down talking to him. It was a nice moment. Then when I looked up the crash happened.”
With three cars involved, the crash sparked a major, multi-agency response. All too aware of Saoirse’s condition, paramedics rushed to free her from the wreckage and get her to Wexford General Hospital.
Saoirse Aylward with Baby Jax in hospital. The Wexford mother has launched a fundraiser for Féileacáin, who provide supports for families dealing with the loss of a baby.
“It all happened very quickly,” she explains. “I was rushed into the labour delivery ward and they decided on emergency surgery. Obviously, I was having issues from the crash myself. I was unconscious and I woke up to the news that he (Jax) was gone.”
Inconsolable, panic instantly set in.
“I asked where my baby was,” Saoirse said. “They told me he was gone. I just broke down. I told them I wanted to see him right now.
“When they brought him to me, it was sheer panic. I was afraid he’d be taken away from me. You spend your whole pregnancy with him and there’s a bond there and then they were just going to take him away.”
That’s where Féileacáin come in. A non-profit organisation, they were established to provide support to families impacted by the death of a baby during or after pregnancy. One of the things Féileacáin works with hospitals on is the provision of memory boxes and “cuddle cots” or cold cots to give grieving parents more time with their babies.
“The midwife came and explained that they were taking Jax away to do his prints and get him dressed for me.
Saoirse with her daughter Eva and her baby son Jax, who she tragically lost at 31 weeks following a car crash.
“One amazing thing that Féileacáin do is they provide a memory box, so they took Jax’s handprints and footprints. They put his little tags in there and took his measurements with a piece of tape to go into the box.
“They also provided digital cameras. Because I was unconscious when he was born, the midwife was able to take photos of the moment he was born and when my Mam held him for the first time etc. They had them printed and ready for me.”
However, the most invaluable gift was the gift of time that came from the cuddle cot.
“It’s just like a Moses basket with a cold mat inside, which keeps the baby cool and gives you more time. I had been in a massive car accident myself and I was on a lot of medication etc, so my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be given enough time with my son.”
Being able to spend time with Jax at the hospital and at home before his funeral was of monumental importance to the family.
“I have a nine-year-old daughter Eva as well,” Saoirse explains. “She lost her little brother too. She was very excited. She’s very ahead of her time and is very aware of the situation. It was really tough on her to get a call saying that her mammy had been in a car accident and that her little brother was gone.
“Things will never be the same for us again. I don’t know how we’ll find a way through.”
As part of the grieving process, Saoirse, Nathan and Eva have decided to try and raise as much money as possible to help other families experiencing similar tragedy.
“I said I wanted to do a fundraiser in Jax’s honour, so I set one up a few days ago. I just felt I wanted to do something positive and for there to be some kind of positive outcome, because all of this is so horrific.
“Really, I suppose it’s just a way of keeping my mind busy and keeping me focused on something outside of my own head. It’s become very important to me though.”
Saoirse set the initial goal of raising just €250 – enough to pay for five memory boxes for other grieving families. However, given the power of her story, it became apparent that they’d quickly exceed that target. Now the goal for Saoirse and her family is to leave a lasting legacy for Jax at Wexford General Hospital.
Saoirse has praised the staff at Wexford General Hospital for their support after losing baby Jax at 31 weeks following a road traffic collision.
“The support has been absolutely amazing,” she said. “We’re nearly at €2,500 raised now. I’ve just been onto Féileacáin and they’re saying that it might be possible to purchase a cuddle cot machine, which costs around €2,500. The hope would be to buy it in Jax’s memory and to put a little plaque on it and have it at Wexford General Hospital for other families to use and to get time with their babies.”
As for Saoirse, both mentally and physically there’s still a long road ahead. Trips to the hospital are still a regular occurrence.
“I have a lot of injuries,” she said. “I had to get a titanium plate with seven screws in my wrist, which is causing me quite a bit of pain. Then there were a lot of soft tissue and internal injuries too.”
One thing that she is clear on is that the care she received from everyone associated with Wexford General Hospital was second to none.
“Honestly, everyone was just amazing,” she said. “I was in hospital for about a week and then I needed further surgery down in Waterford, but they were unbelievable the whole time. I include everyone in that – surgeons, paramedics, midwives, nurses, catering, housekeeping – everyone was so kind.
“There are days when you’re just down and you don’t know where you are. The weight of the sorrow is suffocating, but the kindness shown to us just pulls you through. There were days when people in the hospital just sat with me and held my hand while I cried. Sometimes they cried with me. We honestly can’t say enough about them.”
Féileacáin have also earned the unending appreciation of Saoirse’s family and she would encourage anyone else who is going through the devastating loss of a baby to reach out to them.
“Apart from the memory boxes and cuddle cots, Féileacáin also offer information and support for parents and families,” she explains. “They provide around 1,000 memory boxes per year, which is kind of surprising and very sad. Maybe it’s not something that’s talked about enough.
“Féileacáin also provide bereavement counselling for parents and all of the information is on their website. Apart from the kindness of people around us, the thing I’ve taken the most comfort from is speaking with other parents who have lost children. Nobody else can really understand what you’re going through and I think those conversations are important.”
As she continues on the road to recovery, Saoirse is now focused on leaving that lasting legacy for baby Jax at Wexford General, by providing the cooling cuddle cot, as well as memory boxes for Féileacáin to hand out.
To support Saoirse’s fundraising efforts, search for Memories of Jax on gofundme.com.
For more details on Féileacáin and the work that they do, visit feileacain.ie.
Helplines: If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, click here for more information https://www.independent.ie/service/helplines-40487532.html
